r.i.p

this week it has been a struggle to be positive. emotions like inadequacy, inner sorrows and unresolved feelings filled the days–even though i make a conscious effort to start a day off right and with a big, goofy smile to our lil girl. perhaps it may be a long time before the man will ever be okay. maybe he will never be totally okay. but i know he will try his best, do his best, fall back on the people that he loves and keep himself going.

my father-in-law's drinking disorder made him hallucinate all the time, self centred and a terrible person in general. he believed that he was invincible and he drowned himself so hard with alcohol because that is the only way he knew how to, but in moments of truth when things are out of his control, he truly just waver like a wave of the sea driven with the wind. his death did not come all sudden, but no doctors can stop it, it is stage four cancer they said.

but the best thing he has ever given me and alexis: the love from his son. i guess this makes up for it all. i am contented and i should always be grateful.

let us all troop on, with big smiles on our faces. things will get better, eventually. life is fragile, we have to cherish our life, live our life and live our life to the fullest filled with love.