presents

toys heaven.

she truly loves

after tomorrow, i'm out of hibernation and back into the noisy, glaringly political world. somehow i have always felt the most comfortable being with myself and people who love me the most. i judge myself, but i can live with that. the lack of pretences and the comfort of being able to completely let my guard down is just too good to resist. it's far too hard or even impossible to do that outside my world and i think no one should anyway.

a protesting brain and a building up phobia. i want my girl - the purest and most angelic person in the world who expresses her feelings truthly and sincerely.

the feeling of joy

i'm not sure if i am afraid to let this girl grow up, or let her venture into this world, i can't even look at her without thinking, and thinking. i'm still trying to come to terms, only i don't know when the day will come. i'm silently afraid.

but i am happy because i've been a mommy for a year! it feels too good to be true, it feels amazing because such things, they don't happen to many, do they? and i guess the love from alexis makes up for it all. i've never prepared for motherhood so diligently and conscientiously, it was crazy. i remember feeling so lost like a baby lamb during the girl's first few months, because i had to learn it all! i had to learn this and think about that, i thought i would crumble. the day i knew the girl is popping out, i was sick to my guts and gripped in a blinding fear. suddenly everything does not seem so bleak anymore. i remember thinking, this couldn't be it. i remember expecting tiredness, but those expectations never exceeded the unexpected joys i got in return :)

happy birthday, alexis

i feel a little nolstalgic, a little sad that the girl's first year has come to an end. looking back a year ago, i still remember our first meeting in thomson medical centre delivery ward, when she was nameless, preparations became unsorted, everything in a state of uncertainty. i remember the sudden bleeding, the worries and the tears i had in the process of carrying this little life, worrying about how small she was, racing against time to give her the important nutritents. we parented her with what we believed and from raw, i really can't believe that we've achieved so much and come so far in this journey. now that the fruit of our love has grew up from a tiny little baby to a walking toddler, i see that she really is better than anything we could have imagined and wished for. the hard work and loves from everyone paid off, and i know its sounds so corny but i believe that the girl makes me feel that i am invincible and i work myself so hard to be her mommy because that's the only way i know how to. it was not a painless process but it honestly was a million times more rewarding than i could have believed at the start. i will never regret my decision to become a mommy and be part of this lifetime project, with the experiences i've had, the happiness she created and the family love we shared.

how i wish i could capture all the memories we created, savour and relive them again. this is where my memories are.

happy birthday, alexis. we hope you enjoyed the outing to the zoo yesterday. we hope you like the birthday card and the gift that was specially chosen. the cartier trinity ring is an indication of love between your father and me. now, we will like you to embrace the meaning behind the sweet trinity necklace and be a person filled with love, loyalty and friendship, three of the purest emotions around the world.